Where Beginners Mind & Embodied Wisdom Coalesce | Alive Again - part 2/5
🕊️Keep going, because this “whats the fucking point” phase is actually not the end of your journey, it’s the beginning of embodied wisdom with a beginners mind.
🕊️Keep going, because this “whats the fucking point” phase is actually not the end of your journey, it’s the beginning of embodied wisdom with a beginners mind.
This essay was originally released spring 2023, and as the wheel of life is turning once again, I’m back at the beginning, calling upon the most enlightened one of all: The Fool.
Here’s to our great, collective leap into the unknown.
May we trust. May we laugh. May we dance. May a new way be shown.
XO
-Madison
Alive Again: Where Beginners Mind & Embodied Wisdom Coalesce | Part 2
In part 1 of this essay (which you can read here if you missed it) we discussed the backwards wisdom of the Fool, who can teach us to dance with life.
It’s no small feat to move in this way… so today I want to build upon this foundation as we wade through the reality that you know more now…
and knowing more hasn’t brought more freedom, wisdom or joy.
It’s true, what they say: ignorance is bliss, and the truth is a bitch.
I’ve noticed this in every area of my life as I have grown and evolved.
For example, over the last 3 years, I have longed for the “simpler times” in my business– the freshness of the beginning, the excitement to simply have the privilege to do this work, the sheer aliveness, confidence and bliss of being a beginner. It’s a wonderful place to be when you haven’t had to grow up, transcending and including the disappointments, the shadows of an industry, faced your own (or others’) humanity, ego, capacity and limitations.
Perhaps you’ve notice this in your relationships?
When the honeymoon phase ends, when a crisis happens, when someone gets sick… you’re left with two real, human people with quirks, wonky history, inadequate skill or capacity, prickly communication habits and methods of self-protection that don’t evoke the bliss, joy and ecstasy you hoped would last forever.
The inner naive one experiences this like a sucker-punch. Life is not as was expected. This is NOT how it was supposed to go.
Be it business, in romantic partnership, friendship, a creative project, your spiritual life, your healing, your relationship to politics or collective liberation, it’s common - if not he universal experience - to start the journey with energy, openness, willingness and fervor, and then descend into despair once you get a taste of reality. Your bubbly effervescent expectations deflate as reality makes herself known.
It’s in this time we may become disillusioned, be burned, feel weary, burnt-out and ask “what’s the fucking point??”
Relate?
If so, nothing has gone wrong. You’re actually right on time.
🕊️Keep going, because this “whats the fucking point” phase is actually not the end of your journey, it’s the beginning of embodied wisdom with a beginners mind.
Have you heard of the 4 Stages of Competence by Noel Burch? What about the potty training analogy? ;)
Allow me to introduce you to both, as they may offer you some context as to why you’re feeling all this angst, boredom and dissatisfaction.
🌈Stage 1: Unconsciously Incompetent
Says: I Don't Know That I Don't Know
Potty training analogy version: I’m a baby and I’m not yet conscious of bowel movements at all, shit just happens, and I remain in bliss.
This is the stage of new beginnings– the honeymoon phase of all new undertakings! You don’t know what you don’t know… and you couldn’t if you tried!
🌈Stage 2: Consciously Incompetent
Says: I Know That I Don't Know
Potty training analogy version: I know I’m shitting… but I’m not aware enough yet to catch it early, or do anything about it. I don’t have the skill. Shit. Is. Happening… and I can tell.
This is a frustrating phase!! This is when you start to see the hiccups, the problems, the realization that you might not have the skill you need to meet this moment in a good way.
Between stages 2 and 3, people experience the greatest disillusionment of their expectations, experience being burned by a partner or spiritual teacher, start to feel weary, experience boredom or hopelessness with the process– and it’s where many of us are now: feeling stuck, stagnant and overwhelmed.
🌈Stage 3: Consciously Competent
Says: I Know That I Know
Potty training analogy version: I can predict when I’ve gotta poop, and am familiar with the skill of going to the toilet or alarming a helpful other to assist me!
“What’s the fucking point” happens here. Now that you see the truth of the situation, you have a choice: dip out because it’s too fucking much, or lean in and become thoroughly skilled to meet whatever is happening.
Chances are, my friend, you are here ^.
You’ve learned all the things, read all the books. You understand the pitfalls of patriarchy and the fractures in your family system and have analyzed your attachments… but you’re fucking tired, and sick of focusing on all the (very real) problems. You’re tempted to tune it all out.
Please, if this is you, now is not the time to tune it out, it’s the time to do it a new way. The frustration you feel is a potent indicator that you are beginning to become masterful and what’s not needed is being burned away.
Alchemy is occurring
🌈Stage 4: Unconsciously Competent or Mastery
This is the “you make it look easy” phase.
Says: I Don't Know That I Know
Potty training analogy version: I don’t even have to think about it, I just take myself to the toilet when I have to go. The skill and embodiment is automatic.
This is where embodied wisdom with beginners' minds begins. You now have discernment and can see the truth, but you also have capacity to see all the possibilities ahead of you.
When you know how much you don’t know, you can meet this moment again with beginner's mind.
You are a wise, clear, embodied sage.
It makes sense why so many of us are feeling overwhelmed, stagnant and stuck right now. You’re seeing the truth of reality, as it is.
We moved through the (important) phase of becoming aware, and we suffer in our awareness when we do not yet embody the skill to live it out competently. (My teachers call this “conscious suffering” – and they are not wrong).
Plus, so many of us stay stuck there learning and learning and learning like disembodied floating heads.
Maybe you noticed that disembodiment leads to more neurosis, not more liberation?
My friend, education is good, I live for education!
But we need to learn to incorporate it so we can start again, like the Fool, with both beginner’s mind and embodied wisdom.
How, exactly?
Well first, we demystify why we feel so wonky right now. Check, done. No more need to assign wrongness to how you’ve been feeling, it makes sense!
Now our work is twofold:
1- ❤️🔥Live what we have learned in small doable bits.
Chances are you know more intellectually than you can legitimately apply, and I’m willing to bet you know a lot of shit that works for others, but very little about what works for you: your body, your brain, your desires, your needs and your preferences.
Living what you know is an experiment.
Toss out what you think you “should” be doing and actually listen to the feedback from your body.
You’ll begin to see what you truly know (and by know, I mean embody) by how you live it. This is how you get to embodied wisdom: the boring work of showing up, every day, for the simple shit that supports you.
2- ❤️🔥Learn the skill, not just the information, to live out our liberation.
The fastest way to learn a new skill? Forget what you think you know. Stop trying to fix it all. Humble yourself! Make it fun!! Stop taking yourself so damn seriously!!! (Remember the Fool).
Humans actually increase their cognition, memory and retention of a new skill through play and fun– so when we take all this healing so damn seriously, we learn slower and often heap on the judgment, mental stress and self-criticism (not fun at all).
Truthfully, the best way to embody the wisdom you’ve gained the past few years, and have the capacity to live it out is to stop trying so hard.
And let’s be honest - not trying hard… is hard.
It’s a skill in and of itself. It takes daily practice. Inner capacity for uncertainty. Support from a mentor.
Ease isn’t always “easy,” but it’s worth it.
This is the journey to Unconscious Competence (Stage 4) where you’ll feel open and curious, while remaining discerning and wise– where you make being with reality look easy, but we both know it will actually take more strength than people realize.
I can’t help but think of the strength of a pole dancer making it look so fluid, so soft, so easy because of all the competency and strength acquired.
Reading books about pole dancing might make you a literary expert, but it isn’t gonna build the strength of doing. That’s will only come through the gritty work of getting bruised, laughing it off, and getting up there again.
Make it look easy– here’s what to do:
Make a list of everything you’re “failing at” right now.
Write “SO WHAT” across the page.
Crumple it up.
Throw it away. Burn it. Stomp on it. Give it the finger!!
Open a fresh page and write instead:
What is one thing I can do today that I know makes me feel good? Do not write more than one thing.
If I had to forget everything I knew about how to “be my best self” and only remember one thing I’ve learned the past few years, what is the one thing I want to remember? Do not write more than one thing.
Let it be Easy, or at least be willing to ;)
Madison
❤️🔥🕊️🌈
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